video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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