lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
