I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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