Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
