did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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