i barfeds in our rink
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
