it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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