we made out on top of his cat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
