all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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