I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
