Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
