I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he thought i was a dude.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
