Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
