Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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