It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
