Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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