dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
