If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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