I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
