i permit you to call me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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