She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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