Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
