look no pants
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
