man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
where am i from again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
