Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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