Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this just has baby written all over it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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