I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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