What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
