Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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