I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
