He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hippo gnu deer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
