Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
