do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
