I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
