so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well you can't waste a boner
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
