So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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