im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
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Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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