I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
