you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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