Nicole vs. Life
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
