shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
