Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
