Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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