I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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