i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my being single is dangerous.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
