tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
