If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
