I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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