dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
