I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
