i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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