I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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