Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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