Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
