Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.