great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I die, sorry about rent.