This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys