About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
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just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..