I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
