Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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