I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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