yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
