yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
