we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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