There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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