I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
