Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
