I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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