Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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