$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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