i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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